Good morning, my name is Christine Joubert and I am Robert�s mother. Thank you for listening to me and hearing what I have to say about the suffering we are all enduring. I hope that through my few words I can extend Robert�s hands to you so that you can hold him and know him. It is important that you do, and that you also hear his voice and touch his heart. He is not here to speak for himself. When I was expecting Robert, I was so happy. It was such a good time in my life. I wish I could relive those days again � including the cravings for chocolate bars in the middle of the night! It was not surprising to me that later on as a little boy Robert also loved chocolate! While I did not know if I was going to have a boy or a girl, all I wanted was to have a healthy and strong child who would grow up and have a happy and fulfilling life. When Robert was born my husband and I looked at him and said �there you are it was you all along�. My husband and I then knew that Robert would grow up to be a good boy, and we would be loving parents. As a mom I knew and I believed that I would always be there to take care of him, and to protect my child. The day that Robert died was the worst day of my life. It is a day that I keep reliving over and over. That day was the worst nightmare my family could ever imagine. It was such a tragic, incomprehensible and senseless loss of a human life. No family should ever have to go through this. As a parent you never think of losing a child. Our son should have lived well after we were gone. He should have met the woman of his dreams, married and had children. He should have grown to a happy old age. He should have experienced life to the fullest. Instead, while on his way to work, he was killed by a criminal. When I carried Robert in my womb and he was so warm and close to my heart, I never could have imagined that one day we would have to carry him to his cold grave. On June 8, 2012, I was not there to protect my boy from a thoughtless man who had no regard for the lives and safety of others. I was not there by the side of a road to take care of Robert as he took his last breath. Although I am not to blame, I feel so terribly guilty and I feel that I have failed him as a mother. I often talk to God and ask him why he allowed this to happen, but he does not answer me. Maybe he does not have an answer. Maybe he is as confused as me. Perhaps it will be up to Robert�s killer to tell us, one day we know, or at least we hope, that this man will have the courage to tell his own children about his crime. I am so sad and live with such pain that it hurts deeply. I am incapable of forgiving God and Robert�s killer. This is the kind of person that I have become. My family has been ripped apart, and I am a woman and a mother who has been torn. I feel so lost at times and I feel that I have lost my spirituality. This sudden and tragic loss of my precious Robert is emotional anguish. Since his death I have been suffering from hives, and terrible anxiety and stomach pains for which I take medication. But deep down I am suffering most from a broken heart and for that there are no pills that I can take. I experience a great deal of distress each time I drive down Highway No.: 1 and pass by the place where Robert�s spirit left his body. I often cry uncontrollably and have to pull over to the side of the road. I find it so debilitating and afterwards I feel so weak. But I must travel this route to visit my son Richard and my mother in neighboring towns. This tragedy has greatly affected my work. I am a school custodian in St. Norbert and I have a lot of time during the night shift to think about my boy when I am cleaning the school. At times, I�ve had to leave work in the middle of a shift because I am so upset. On some occasions I am so preoccupied with losing Robert that I do not finish all of my work by the time my shift is over, and other times I leave the lights on, or important doors unlocked. My Supervisor has discussed the situation with me, and even suggested that I take some time off work. I cannot afford to take time off. The Seasons remind me of Robert and what we have lost. life and he lived it to the fullest. He had such a passion for During the summer we liked boating, fishing, making bonfires and having barbeques. Robert loved wake boarding and water skiing, and he even managed to ski on one ski! Fall was the time of gathering and harvesting food for the winter. Robert would help out in the garden and would till the soil after the harvest. He would make sure the garden was ready for planting vegetables the following year. And then there was hunting. He could take down a deer on the first shot. If he missed, he would track the wounded deer through the forest and would not let it suffer. Robert never lost his bearings in the woods, even on a cloudy day. We would always have fresh deer meat to mix in with our Christmas sausage. Robert would make sure that we would follow P�p�re Joubert�s recipe. The sausages were always so delicious and Robert loved them so much. One time he woke up at 3:00 AM with a craving and decided to have a snack. He took a package of frozen sausages and fried them up. Needless to say the aroma from the sausages wafted throughout the house and woke us all up. The whole family joined Robert for his snack. Robert was proud of his Ojibway and M�tis heritage and he had a great respect for the food we harvested in our garden and from the forest. I miss that so much about him. He was so caring, kind and loving, compassionate and respectful. He was such a beautiful and precious gift. For our family winter was a time for snowmobiling, some winter camping, the occasional snow ball fight, and best of all ice fishing. One time we were fishing at Lockport near Sugar Hill and Robert had stepped away from his line because he had to go the washroom. Just as he was making his way back his line started tugging and it was obvious he had hooked a large fish. As he tried to reel in the fish, the hook broke but luckily the fish floated near the hole for a few moments. Robert quickly grabbed it with his hands, and pulled it out of the freezing water. Although it was not quite the way you normally reel in a fish, he ended up catching a 12 pound 9 ounce pickerel that was 34 � inches long. He was so excited and proud of himself. We had his prize mounted and it now hangs in the living room. Christmas is a very difficult time of the year for us because of the emptiness in the house. What makes it even harder for us is that we know it was a time of year that meant so much to him. Robert always looked forward to being with his grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. For us the spring meant planting the garden and raising some animals. We raised chickens and pigs. Robert was so eager to help out with feeding and watering them along with his brother and little sister. I remember one time following a period of heavy rain he had to rescue a runt pig that was stuck in the muddy pen. He could see the piglet was in distress at feeding time and it was having difficulty moving about. Robert hopped into the pen and got the little one out. We then made a separate pen for piglet until it regained its strength. Robert was covered in mud but you should have seen his smile! Although spring is a time of growth and renewal it is a time of great sadness for our family, for us it will always be a time of loss. Robert was taken away before he could grow into his full potential. Robert was a hard worker and had been working since he was 16 years old. A few years ago, a friend of mine down the road had ordered 10 yards of gravel for her long driveway. She hired Robert to spread the gravel by hand and he managed to do this in only 1 � days! Over the years, I�ve had Robert�s friends and bosses tell me that he was strong as a bull. But I guess that being this strong was no match for the drunk driver he was going to face the day he died. How do you protect yourself from a drunk driver? Robert loved to cook. One day he came home from school and announced his class was having a potluck. He asked me if I could make bannock. I said �it is your potluck, you make it�. I got him all of the ingredients and he put it together. At first Robert wanted me to mix the batter but I told him he had to do it and learn. Reluctantly he did so and baked the bannock. When he came home after the potluck he told me that everyone loved it. They said it was the best bannock they had ever tasted. And I said to Robert �see and you made it my boy�. He said �mom it is your recipe�. I then told him that �it is everyone�s recipe son-shine�. As I reach the end of my notes, all I can say is that the cold emptiness that I feel is slowly killing me. Things are not what they used to be, missing one inside of me, and I cannot stand the hell I feel. Nothing is real now but pain. Sometimes I imagine that Robert is not dead, that he is only gone up North to work for a short period of time. One day soon he will come down to see me. But they really need him up there right now because he is such a great worker. Also, Robert wants to make a lot of money, or �big bucks� as he would say, so that he can buy some land, a house, big boy toys and other things that a young man with a promising future would want. See you soon my boy. Mom Hurry back home. Love you to infinity and beyond.