✁
COUPLES AGREEMENT FOR STREAMING TELEVISION
By answering yes to the query “Wanna watch something tonight?” and signing below, you hereby enter into
a legally binding agreement with your Significant Other (“S.O.”), subject to the terms and conditions below.
SECTION I. DETERMINING WHICH SHOW TO WATCH
a.  Upon initializing streaming service, you will have a maximum of three (3) minutes, or
  one hundred fifty (150) scroll-throughs to select a program, at which point possession of remote
  control will be relinquished to S.O.
b. In the event of an impasse, tiebreakers may be employed in the following manner:
  i.   Recalling who did dishes last.
  ii.   Rock-paper-scissors.
  iii.  Higher rating on Rotten Tomatoes/Metacritic.
c.  If impasse cannot be broken, default to “Shark Tank.”
SECTION II. ACTIONS TAKEN WHILE WATCHING SHOW
a. Phones and tablet devices may not be operated during viewing, with the following exceptions:
  i.   IMDb.com for purposes of actor identification (“Isn’t that the guy from “____”?)
  ii.   ...
  iii.  Actually, that’s the only acceptable reason. You really should put your phone away.
b.  Regarding in-show commentary, plot explanation is limited to one (1) plot point per ten (10) minutes,
  or fifteen (15) per ten (10) minutes when watching with mom and dad.
c.  Pausing of show (i.e., for bathroom breaks, food, dog-walking) must be announced at least thirty (30)
  seconds in advance of execution.
SECTION III. BABY, YOU’RE HOGGING THE BLANKET
SECTION IV. WATCHING SUBSEQUENT EPISODES
a.  Neither party may advance to subsequent episodes without the mutual consent of the party’s S.O.
b.  In the absence of consent, whereby you or S.O. “cheats” by skipping ahead to next episode in violation
  of this agreement — because, God forbid, someone should have to go 25 minutes on a treadmill without
  on-demand television entertainment — the Spousal Unit who skips ahead must abide by the
  following restrictions:
 i.   One episode maximum.
 ii.   The episode may not be viewed within fifty (50) feet of S.O.
  iii.  Under no circumstances can Spousal Unit who skipped ahead do so in secret, then pretend to be
   watching for the first time.
 iv.  There shall be a 72-hour moratorium on all watching of the show, during which S.O. is allowed
   to catch up. After time limit elapses, S.O. is given up for lost, and Spousal Unit who skipped ahead is
   allowed to watch, uninhibited, to end of series.
c.  Binge-watching must be a consensual act between consenting adults. Binge-watching may be refused,
  but never on the grounds of: “Not tonight, honey, I’ve got a headache.”
We, the undersigned, have read the above agreement, agree to its terms and voluntarily submit
to its execution.
_________________________________
Signature

_________________________________
Signature
0 0 1 :

F R O M

T H E

C H I C A G O

T R I B U N E

D E P A R T M E N T

O F

L E G A L

R E D U N D A N C Y

c h i c a g o t r i b u n e . c o m

✁

F O R M